The Parliamentary Republic of United Beltonia is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Pedro González with an even hand, and renowned for its national health service, free-roaming dinosaurs, and complete lack of prisons. The hard-nosed, devout population of 4.989 billion Beltonians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The medium-sized, corrupt, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Varskograd. The average income tax rate is 74.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Beltonian economy, worth 833 trillion Bel'tonskiy Rubls a year, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 167,132 Bel'tonskiy Rubls, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Weighted heels are added to military boots to ensure diminutive celebrities meet minimum requirements, recreational drug businesses are regularly pruned if they grow above the maximum legal size, turnstile jumpers grow up to be tax cheats, and all the playground's a stage for Beltonian schoolchildren. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. United Beltonia's national animal is the Beltonian Eland, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Nondenominational Christianity.

United Beltonia is ranked 8,653^rd in the world and 487^th in Lazarus for Most Cultured, scoring 128 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.